Tales of the Unthinkable

Oh blog, how I have ignored you. Let me count the weeks…..

Anyway, you shall be repaid in great tales of this last week. And what a week it has been.

Let’s begin at the kebab stand. Natalie, Camille, and I stood awaiting the greasy joy that is kebab as a rather portly looking Vietnamese woman waddled our way. She began to speak, not to anyone in particular but certainly in our general direction. As she ambled closer it became clear that we were the subject of her ramblings and erratic gestures. Suddenly she was upon us. At first it seemed she would pass us by undeterred, but it was not to be. Her first victim was Natalie’s braided hair, which was tossed callously over her shoulder. Then the woman moved on to Camille. A harmless nudging of the shoulder was followed by a not-so-harmless grab of the butt, which was followed by a downright unbelievable grab of the breast. In such a situation what can one do but simply laugh at the absurdity of life.

But our unstable new friend did not stop there! No, she had other business on this small side street. As she continued to amble and ramble she tossed her briefcase ahead in the road. Nextly she shared with us, the teachers and Vietnamese locals alike, the bounty that was her breasts. She displayed them to all who would see without shame. Following this display she procured a cigarette, sat down in the middle of the street, and proceeded to have a smoke as traffic made way around her. And then, just as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone.

Now I am not saying that I enjoy the idea of being fondled on the street by random women but at no point did I attract the attention of our dear new friend. Could it be that I am so utterly uninteresting that I warrant no on-street-molestation? I hope not.

Wacky event number the second.

Picture it, Vietnam 2009. A young boy emerges from the back room of your local convenience store. His is an unremarkable child apart from his obesity and lack of clothing. He giggles as he patters up the isle toward the front of the shop. He stops, as if contemplating his next naked move. And then like a flash he was down, on his naked back on the floor, a solid stream of pee emerging in a most artful arc away from his naked self. And just as quickly as it started it was over. Up again he begins to contemplate his creation. Should he spread it around with his hands? Should he dance in a carefree Fred Astaire fashion? Should it be spread onto the nearest merchandise?

But it was not to be. An employ emerges with a mop and simply wipes away all the options that had been tumbling through his naked little head. The child toddles out the front door and away from the scene of his most recent endeavor.

And later that day…

Whilst swimming at a local pool it was observed that two men collided in the pool. This resulted in swears, threats, slurs, and near fisticuffs. The men shouted and gestured wildly at one-another until security was forced to separate them. The stunned onlookers returned immediately to frolicking, and no more was heard from the two men who brooded on opposite sides of the pool.

Could there possibly be more?

I spy with my little eye a smallish dog dragging his butt on the sidewalk. I spy with my little eye a smallish dog spinning around in circles on his butt…..for nearly two minutes. I spy with my little eye something completely hilarious.

On a not so wacky note.

I went with my friend Katie to get her nose pierced the other night. It was a modern and professional looking place (for all those who just cringed at the idea of a piecring/tattoo shop in this city). And in typical Vietnamese fashion there were about 20 people in the shop “working”. So as she had her nose pierced who was surrounded by at least six adults and two small children all looking on and in some cases literally over her shoulder. It was a sight to behold.

I love this city.